Imagine: Zombie apocalypse

We all have wild and crazy ideas, I mean, imagine a world without 'em? Mediocre, right? A world without Tolkien's Middle Earth or Lewis' Narnia. Imagine a world without Rice's seductively captivating Lestat or Martin's incestuous twin Lannister siblings. The world's greatest masterpieces were initially deemed insane, crazy, and maybe even blasphemous, but in commonality, they've all made this mediocre of a planet far more interesting. 

Imagine. That's perhaps my second favorite word in the dictionary (next to "sparkle", all the rest of my favorite words are in the Urban Dictionary. *sneer). My mind (and I hope yours too) feeds on imagination. The frequently common one being "Mom's broccoli beef steak" for dinner. Imagination sets our minds to worlds that are deemed, well, figments of our very own imaginations. 

Dragons, edible unicorn excrement, hookah smoking caterpillars and (heck!) even being lap-teased by a three-tit pleasure android, all our imagination are pointed to the same direction... erection. Hah! Not that kind, you insufferable green-minded monkey! Erection, that sudden surge of excitement not only on the human erogenous zones but ALSO on those neurotransmitters in the brain which indeed plays a major role in basic human... imagination. Anything that "stiffens" or "stands" on any known and unknown stimuli is technically called an erection. Imagine being in a cemetery at 3 in the morning (that's 3am!) when a sudden gust of breeze passes making those mockingly frightful mango leaves rustle and sway. In that exact moment, the almost-bogus hair on the nape of your neck would then start to "erect", why? Precisely because you were imagining freaky shenanigans like waking corpses or the eventual whispers of ghosts in desperate need of your mortal help.

Imagination is what sets us apart from... Stephanie Meyer. Joke! Really, I'm straying away from my main point here, so, here goes...

Zombie pandemic apocalypse. Every sadists' dream come true, being able to bash their undead calculus teachers' head until every bit of brain matter comes splashing on their faces! Yeap! How very exciting! But really, when everything isn't just for the cause of a blockbuster hit or a team-rpg survival game, HOW THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!?

George Romero would probably advise us to"go hide on your roof" or "lock yourselves in the nearest town grocery", but guess what, George?! None (or maybe just one or 2) of those who heeded your advise ever survived!

In the light of the prominent "The Walking Dead" series, it's best to also stay indoors or in a gregariously easily governed group. Travel by armored vehicles (Resident Evil) and shoplift every armory for weapons. Yes, yes, the very idea works, but in groups of random strangers sticking out for each other's survival, zombies are probably the lesser concern. You see, while zombies only want to eat your flesh and fatty brains out, the surviving humans want so much more. Food, your best fiend's wife and son, the pastor's daughter, fuel, a melee... The list just goes on!

So, in culmination, NO ONE SURVIVES a zombie apocalypse, not unless your name is Shaun or you have heterochromia. No One! Not even big B.M. himself... Bill Murray. 

But hey! No one practically wants to die a boring death, eh? So here, here is my (and friends') "Idiot's guide to Zombie Apocalypse Survival":

1. Leave your homes and make haste for the the nearest wholesale grocery stores. And with that:
1. Find a working automobile
2. Drive like a crazy ass drunk... no wait...
3. Weaponize your working automobile... then drive like a crazy ass drunk divorcee on his way to the nearest gun shop
2. If grocery stores don't tick, go to the nearest gun shop.
3. Get a boat and travel to an isolated island where the fishes, birds, livestock and all possible human digestive consumption are also feeding on dead and infected zombie decays... or you can always horde all you can and then... get on a boat...blah!
4. I guess bathing on zombie organs would get you through your average daily brisk walk in the park... good luck on the barfing part though... and rain.
5. Rooftops! Yes. But NEVER forget food!
6. Cross out Angelina as your best friend and replace her with a baseball bat... melee!
7. Mind your own weapon of choice! Grandfather's 47-year old machete is mine... slash!
8. An infection-free locality is not possible, unless you're in... Disneyland! *shrug
9. When bitten, you'd know what to do... or you can always wait for Juan Pedro to blow your brains out eventually!
10. sv_cheats1 always works! Always!

All in all, the only way to survive a zombie apocalypse is to... survive. And hey! Zombies are physically decaying by the minute, but if you have all the time and energy, you can waste them on hording, killing and migrating, and if not, there's always... I don't... really know.

But then again, I guess it's a relief that all these morbid mayhem are all  imagination, right? 

*silence

Right?

*slight shrug

RIGHT?????

*jeng jeng jeeeeeeng!

Good Friday

“And when we retire, we can write the Gospels so they’ll still talk about us when we die..”

Everyone has practically memorized the whole plot, Jesus’ passion. Growing up, our usual Lenten Sunday school session would always point out the excruciating pain our Savior had to go through for the salvation of the very people who condemned him of divine fraud. I mean, His mortality cannot be denied, but His divinity has been the subject of debate some two millennia after His resurrection. 

I asked my 9-year old niece once, on who she thought killed Jesus Christ. Her answer might have probably been the same as mine when I was her age, “Jesus was killed by the bad people.” Of course He was. 

Politics had always been the name game even during Christ’s time. It was sheer politics who saw Him as a threat, a radical who could very well change the system of corruption and mass hysteria. Jesus Christ was a man, but it was His bravery, commitment, charity and selflessness that made Him divine. Yes, He was the Son of God, I mean, aren’t we all? But of all God’s children, it was Jesus who was chosen and it was He who accepted a life stripped off of convenience and peace. His courage and sacrifice made Him divine. A once nameless carpenter, who has chosen to live a life of scrutiny by not asking for anything in return.

Jesus Christ was human, yes he was, but holy and divine? You tell me…

A man who was eager to die for the salvation of the very people who placed Him on the cross, THAT is not human. That’s not even animal instinct. If you’ve figured out what it is, then let me know.

I am NOT a blind follower, but if you have something against my Christ… I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever understand such mentality because if “not believing in Him” has brought you good, then BELIEVING in Him has brought me so much better.

All in all, whether He be a man or the Son of God or even God Himself, Jesus Christ was indeed a Savior to a faithful few and to a million oblivious others. He truly was a King, the only King who sacrificed Himself so that we may all be directed to the path of eternal bliss in His Kingdom.

spell: Hiatus

I hate it when melancholy attacks! Especially in the Summer! That sudden urge to cry for no apparent canny reason. I guess this is the summer I tried my hardest to avoid when I was in school. You see, I have always been the queen of irony. School, for example, I have always hated it! The whole shebang of waking up early, doing research and homework after dinner, sleep early and restart the whole routine after some 8 hour snooze! But every summer (especially now!) I would always miss school. Not the whole routine but I guess those little side perks that came with it. 

I don’t know how this summer would turn out, but by the old gods and the new, I WILL ENJOY IT!

Sorry for the frantic hiatus (assuming I had fervent readers here. Haha). It’s just that my inspiration has been out of my control these days. Don’t ask why… I couldn’t even find the right words to explain it myself. 

Thoughts on: Moms being abducted...

Everyone has probably heard of the animated movie, Mars Needs Mom. Well, I have definitely heard about it but I've yet to see it and I don't think it takes a genius to guess the whole message of the film

I have a Mom (excuse me for stating the obvious). I call her Mads (because she's literally MAD with an "s"!). And yes she has the temper that could most probably swipe off the whole martian race with just a 5-second nag...

but I would certainly go through any lengths to rescue her from any alien abduction.

In fact, I think the moment my Mom nags in the Martian mother-ship, those suckers are going to send her right back home. 

I love my Mom... even if it takes listening to her ear-bleeding nags every.single.time.

Who is the Walrus?

Strictly speaking, I am no Walrus. Aside from the obvious appearance, I literally cannot take the honor. If you've been raised in a Beatles household, you're probably getting me right now. If not, then let me make this educational session, (as) concise (as possible).

I've only known 4 famous Walruses in my lifetime. Well, technically, 3 since one is from the very famous marine mammal genus,  Odobenus rosmarus. The other three that I (at least) know about are the following:

• The Walrus from "The Walrus and the Carpenter". Ring a bell? He was, according to the annoying twins (next to Upin and Ipin) Tweedledum and Tweedledee, the devious-scheming-cigar-smoking walrus who tricked a handful (more like, stomach-ful) of baby oysters to a little get-to-know-each-other luncheon. The same walrus who taught little kids (and adults on acid) never to trust strangers and to never eat more (oysters) than what your stomach can handle because it either concludes to a tear-jerking stomach ache or, plain and simply, "meal binge guilt"
• Jaime Hyneman. The smartest of all the walruses I know. You might well recognize him as the laconic guy with a mustache and a severe fascination for black berets on the Discovery Channel series, The Mythbusters. This walrus' biggest contribution to humanity is his undying determination to blow things up and impart to the world that man has really been to the moon. Tsk!
• And lastly, perhaps the most prominent of all walruses in human (and walrus) history, the only walrus who WAS also an "eggman". John Lennon. I cannot put into words his innumerable contributions to (my life and) humanity in general so... I'm not even gonna try.

Long live the Walrus!